Peter the first day of kindergarten. He trimmed, wearing a new red shirt and scared to death. Peter’s mother does not understand this, because she is sure that Peter is well prepared for kindergarten for his five years. “Well, of course – she says educator – he knows the alphabet, can count to a hundred, and can write his name.” But as soon discovers teacher, Peter was not prepared for life in the new environment. He seemed constrained, did not play with other children and spent most of the day huddled in the corner and sucking his thumb.
Michael, which led to a kindergarten at the same time with Peter, did not know as much as he knew. He could barely count to ten and confused many letters. But when his mother left, he skipped ran into the room, smiled shyly educator, approached a group of children playing with toy cars, and asked, “Can I as a mechanic in a garage?” The teacher was delighted with how Michael felt confident and how easily he came in contact with the children, and she thought to herself, “Here is a child ready for learning to read and write!”
For 40 years, during which I constantly studied preschoolers, I have become increasingly disturbed by parents who thought that the preparation for kindergarten is memorizing letters or numeracy. This is not the case. I have nothing against teaching these essential skills, but I came to the conclusion that it is best to teach and easier to learn only after a good start the development of other skills.
Too early concentration on theoretical problems could hamper the normal development of the child. We sometimes forget that nature has its own schedule of human development. Trying to teach the three-year plan to write – it’s like teaching a three-month baby to walk. Can cause irreversible damage.
If the child goes to kindergarten, feels happy, confident, optimistic, curious and friendly, I’m sure he will be well and happy to learn. But if he is nervous, scared, irritable and burdened by unfulfilled needs, it would be bad to absorb those initial knowledge that he will give. In my opinion, the child can not be considered truly prepared for kindergarten – or life – until he learns the following ten things.
1. Love yourself.
Self-love – the most fundamental and significant of all abilities. While you will not be able to appreciate your own life, you will never become active, will not be able to realize their own capabilities. Given how much we love their children, we would just give them a sense of self-love, but, apparently, this method is not very reliable.
Try to remember what you thought of yourself when you were five years old. I believe that most of us find ourselves stupid or ugly. We were angry with yourself if afraid of the night, we were ashamed of ourselves if we do not want to share with the younger sister of his new doll. We are disappointed in yourself if you were awkward, shy or awkward, while the mother was hoping to grow a ballerina.
Sometimes we can not help a child to love yourself as long as we do not re-examine some of our own plants – that cargo that we carry within us throughout life. Perhaps this self-knowledge is painful, but in the end we can say, “Yes, brown eyes and olive skin really disgust me. My parents gave birth in me a feeling of inferiority, because I was like their Italian ancestors, and they wanted to be one hundred percent white Americans. Now that I have this little girl with olive skin and brown eyes, can behave as befits a grown-up and see how beautiful she is, and give it to understand it? ”
Irrational prejudices that we learn from the cradle – just one of the obstacles to help our children to love themselves. Many of us are also difficult to distinguish between “being bad” from “be a man”. At the root of changes things, if instead of “do not act like a baby,” we say, “You’re still not old enough to behave in a quiet restaurant. We’ll try to go there again, when you’re a little older.” It is also quite different things – say, “You’re selfish” – and said: “It is very difficult to learn to share with others, but never mind, I’ll help you. If you give Donna play with your bucket, it will give you to play with your truck.”
Puritan assertion that everyone either good or bad and that is why children should be taught to be good, probably brought more misery to mankind than anything else. We are all born, being equally angels and devils, and we need to learn to live with this truth. Of course, we say, “No, you can not beat the kid,” but we also say, “You’re too young to restrain yourself when you’re angry. Should I help you.” Learn to accept that you have anger, jealousy, and antisocial impulses – is part of growing up. We must also learn to control yourself, but do not deny that such incentives exist and are forcing their children to feel that they are sinners. The child, who told that he behaves badly, develops hostility to himself, and that interfere with learning, life and love more than any other psychological problem.
Once the child feels safe, feels that he is appreciated, he begins to develop empathy for others. One of the earliest experiences of this kind arises in the relationship with your pets. Kid, has experienced the tenderness and care, is able to gently embrace a homeless kitten or a call for help from their parents when someone offends the dog. Any five year old child who can spontaneously exclaim at the sight of the bird with a broken wing, “Oh, you poor thing!” Already purchased one of the most fundamental abilities required for changes in the quality of all life on this planet.
2. Interpret the behavior.
A child who comes to kindergarten, thinking he was a wonderful creation, may nevertheless not be involved in training if he does not know how to interpret other people’s behavior and their own. For example, it can be so carried away by two girls in the front row are united against him, that he could not focus on the addition of two to five. Or, if the teacher one morning yell at him, he can be so confused and scared that he could not be attentive in class for the rest of the day.
If a child has learned something about the mood of the people and their shortcomings, if he had been taught to interpret certain kinds of behavior, it will not be inclined to be afflicted with such situations. He will realize that maybe the two girls scare a new kindergarten and they need a common enemy in order to feel more secure that his teacher just in a bad mood: a fight with her husband, or got into the hour “peak” on the way to and from work maybe tomorrow she asks for forgiveness.
Apart from the fact that the child must be able to interpret the behavior of others, he has to learn and explain their own behavior. This can have a strong impact on the future of the child’s relationship to educational pursuits. If a child is screaming at her mother for breakfast if the sight of an omelet, he said: “You know I can not stand him, I’ll throw it in the trash!” – And then flies out of the house, it is likely to happen to him today, one of two things. It can be so overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and horror that will not hear a single word of spoken educator. Or he may ask the question, what is come over him; think it continues to still be angry at his father, who shouted at him last night, and decide that he apologize when he gets home. In the latter case, he is able to forget about the incident at the time, while he’s in kindergarten. With consciousness, free from anger and confusion, it is well accepted by all the explanations educator.
3. Communicate with words.
After the children will be able to explain the true meaning of their actions, they need to learn how to help other people understand them. If a girl can tell the teacher, “I was so afraid that I will not work that simply could not think,” – the teacher can understand her fear that interfere with learning, and will be able properly to calm her down. If a child can say to his father: “You scare me when you shout so loud,” – it is hoped that the father will try instead to negotiate with him quietly. Any five year old child who can safely and naturally talk about their feelings, saying, “I’m scared,” or “I love you” or “I have a piercing sensation inside, this dithering, it seems to me that I have not ready to take a two-wheeled bicycle, “has already gained the ability that will provide him with the necessary freedom to think, to be interested and learn.
4. Understand the difference between thoughts and actions.
Without this skill, which is fully formed to five years, the child will be extremely difficult to concentrate in class. For example, Gregory looks out the window and thinks he’s a pilot, while the teacher explains to the class basis of arithmetic. He did not hear what the teacher says, because very angry. His parents had just divorced, and if his heart was removed to the surface, then most likely, it would be: “I hate them both. I want them to die.” It’s so horrible thoughts that Gregory has to focus struggling to keep them out of consciousness.
If the first five or six years of his life, Gregory helped to understand that thoughts – it’s not the same thing, that the actions and feelings appropriately expressed, does not harm anyone, he could give them free rein. And all the energy that was spent on it in order to avoid their own feelings, could be turned to other uses, including for the wonderful opportunity of addition and subtraction. He, of course, need help to survive this very real crisis, but he should have to explain what is natural to experience terrible feeling when you suffer when you’re alarmed when life is full of suffering. For the child can not concentrate and learn, if he feels undercurrents which he considers dangerous and bad.
5. Interested in and ask questions.
All the popular books and talk about what lessons and skills we need to teach preschoolers, overshadowed and almost wiped out the natural, instinctive curiosity. Often we are so passionate about the compasses that stop to listen to the great questions that children ask themselves: “Why do leaves change color? .. What makes the grass grow? .. Where does the snow? .. As it turns out from the egg baby?. . What does it mean to die? .. Why did I grow up? .. how milk gets to the store? .. Why do some children are starving? .. As the submarine can stay under water and not sink? “..
If we want to maintain this instinct of curiosity, we have to make sure that by the time a child is five years old, he revels in his questions and he knows that there are ways on how to find the answers. He must also know that some of the questions have not been answered on the other, there are many different answers and that sometimes he would have to try to find your own.
In his book, “The student child” Dorothy Cohen, a professor of education, holds an extremely important difference between when the child is given to eat fish, and that when he taught how to catch fish. If we give him a cooked fish, then we will be able to satisfy his hunger-the-minute, but what happens if we are not around to feed him? The same thing is happening with the knowledge and information, if we are always willing to offer up their child to eat, he will never learn to produce their own. Children should be taught how they can “catch” their own answers.
When we say, “I do not know”, “I’m busy right now”, “Ask Dad” or “Do not talk about it” – we repel the child hunt itself “catch” of knowledge. If, however, we encourage curiosity and help him find the answers, we promote his intellectual abilities, the most significant for the individual.
6. Understand that the difficult questions are not easy answers.
The generation of our children will be forced to face the most serious issues. There can be no simple solutions for problems such as the loss of ecological balance, the population explosion, the spread of weapons that could destroy all life. To become wise and mature adults, children should begin to understand that simple solutions will never eliminate the problem that really need to dig deeper to find the most appropriate response to a particular question.
We need to teach children to look at the root. “Well, maybe, today Joe is angry because he has come to kindergarten hungry.” Or, “If Sarah continues to break clay crafts that you lepish in kindergarten, we’d better talk with a teacher. He can talk to Sarina mum and find out why Sarah is unhappy and that we can do to help her.” It is a difficult path, but it gives the child a lot more than when we say: “I think that Sarah bad girl and you better stay away from her.”
In social problems have no simple solutions, and we do a disservice to our children, ourselves and the future, if we introduce kids to the confusion about this. We put the children on the wrong way, put the emphasis on those issues on which there are indeed correct and incorrect answers (how many there are three or six? What is the third letter in the alphabet?). Children need to experience the complexity of the beginning of life situations that they were prepared for a confrontation with the confusion, uncertainty and volatility of real life.
7. Do not be afraid of failure – a necessary condition for growing up.
To learn something, you should not be afraid to make mistakes, even fail. The first book that you have requested, can not contain the answer to the question of why birds migrate, will have to look for the answer in some other. The first wooden table that you have done, it may be ugly and lopsided, but if you are able to learn from their mistakes, the next you make a lot better. Children need help to understand that learning – a long, slow process of trial and error. Not one great invention or scientific discovery ever made without a large number of trials that preceded it, and failures.
We have to very clearly explain to them that success and failure – is not that what the training. I quote the words of a wise primary school teacher: “In fact, the school should teach children to be players! The only way to find out what you know and what you do not know, it’s a little risk. We bully children to death. Who wants to try to answer the question or try to learn something new, if measured success or failure instead of trying to assess? ”
8. Trusted adult.
Five-year child needs to have true confidence in an adult if he has to focus all his attention on learning tasks. And it is difficult to trust people, if they are cheating you, they say, that will not go away, but he woke up, you discover a nanny in place of parents, saying that the doctor does not hurt you, but it does. We are paying a very high price for those games that we play with children to avoid tears. If you want to make you believe it is better to say, “I’m going to go out for a few hours while you sleep” – even if you have to endure a painful farewell. And the doctor, “You maybe will be a little painful, but it will soon pass. Can you sit on my lap and cry if you want.”
Many adults think they can win the trust if they are consistent, but I think this is a big mistake. Too thin the line between consistency and rigidity, and I’m sure it’s important to trust people, even if their feelings and intentions variable. With age, people change, and we are all subject to changes of mood. For the child, it is important to persistence in one: in our attempts to be honest with him, as much as possible explaining what we are inconsistent, and I’m sorry if this inconsistency is not justified.
It is possible to help your child to understand that not all people are good, and at the same time he has a feeling that the majority of contacts with adults are good. Nurturing confidence in it partly depends on how much we are willing to share the child’s feelings towards people. We have to be frank with children, sometimes saying, “Yes, you’re right, your teacher does take up too much fuss about hand washing,” or “Yes, I understand what you mean, talking about my aunt, she’s too bossy when we come. ”
Distrust arises from the feeling that you only see the unpleasant qualities in other people, and for children the feeling is not uncommon. We did not break the trust the child, if we recognize human imperfection.
9. Think for yourself.
. Saying “no” really means to say “I am.” It begins as how the child has a sense of self, a sense that he really independent person. Many parents are afraid and angry possible, while they should have been happy about that. A sense of its own uniqueness and the ability to choose – a vital part of human existence.
If a child has some idea of who he is, he will inevitably be in five years to have its own opinion. This ability is very easy to learn – just encourage the child to express his judgment, he does not fear that he will be punished. None of us wants to bring up the spirit of a man of weak or weak intellectually, we want our children to take serious decisions had the common sense and inner convictions. And we can not wait until the child goes to college, where he will develop these abilities.
These principles are already active when we say, “Now that you almost three years, I think you can decide whether we will buy you a red or blue overalls.” Or, “As long as we have it for breakfast cereal, you can make a sandwich with butter and jam.” Or, “Well, I’m not annoying our neighbor, but you have a right to their own opinion.”
When we show respect for the child’s personality, his nascent views, likes and dislikes, we are preparing for it to situations in which he would have to make a decision on their own, such as whether or not to join a group of children who have decided to explore the ruined house, or to agree or not to go a stranger who said he knew his father. When we come out of himself because of the “no” in two and a half years, we have to keep in mind that the time will come when we will be thankful that our child is able to say “no.” The judgment is corrected practice.
10. Know what you can rely on an adult.
By the time the child is five years old, in my opinion, he should know that there are many situations in which it simply can not manage. He can not cope with the company of older children, with teenagers impose drugs, the wild behavior of a class in the classroom inexperienced teachers. The credibility of the adult part is to know when you need help, and be able to apply for it. This may sound simple, but surprisingly little children come to kindergarten or grade able to do that. As a result, many of them quickly fall into a situation that they are so afraid and suppress that learning becomes impossible. We need to explain to the children that we can be friends, to help them, not treating them as a small, without much care, we can understand their world. We say that we attach great importance to the rights of small and weak, but often do not include our children in these idealistic construction.
Learn a lot easier if the child does not remain unmet needs in early childhood. If we pay more attention to the profound human values, we can raise a generation of wise and loving people who will be able to change and be able to make a better world.